So much of my perspective has changed since having kids in my life. Experiencing music, for example. So much of it has anger or violence just in the sounds. Or the words are about relationships that I would never ever want my little people to feel. And the volume! I hate the idea that the thoughts of someone else might be so loud that they could stop an original idea from taking place inside of them.
But this week I've been thinking so much about beauty. When pregnant, I was so determined that my daughter (and I was sure it was a daughter) would not be dressed in pink frilly stuff. I didn't want her thinking that being beautiful hinged on what was on you or what other people thought should be on you. I didn't want her thinking that she had to like certain things. Beauty isn't posessed by the person that is It, It's posessed by the people that view it. I don't want her posessed by anyone!
I stopped dying my hair when I found out that I was pregnant. Ironically, I'd been dying my hair dark brown (and occasionally cherry red) since I was fourteen. And when the chemicals had grown out, my hair was dark brown. With reddish highlights. I kid you not...
I started thinking about the message I would be sending to my little girl if she saw me changing myself. It was a really big topic to have churning inside my brain. The storm hasn't really settled yet...
But as it turns out, London loves pink. And accessories. And dresses. Yesterday she insisted on wearing a long flowery dress out in the mud. She was brokenhearted that she needed a coat because she couldn't see part of her dress. And then after lunch she started telling me that she wanted her hair "up, Nina. Hair. Up." Nina is a two and half year old girl that often has high pigtails.
So, I was bent on protecting her so that she could be herself and decide what she likes. And it turns out she really does like this stuff, without the advertising and the disney movies.
So now I have to decide if I am ok with this. Do I let her be pink and girly, recognizing that she doesn't know the other qualities that are associated with this? The teasing, flirty, queeny side that so many other people might think of? Because that's what I'm really afraid of. The personality behind the choices of appearance that I see other people make.
I know I'm not the first to wrestle with this. And I'm probably over thinking this to an astronomical degree. She likes cars and trains. When she falls down she jumps up and says "Whoa!" and runs off. She cares about other peoples feelings and says please and thank you. Those are the important things.